LESSON 152

Newspaper Article

The Caracas Cannonball

Twenty years ago, Canonero II blew 'em away

by Steve Haskin

(Copyright by Daily Racing Form Inc.)

It has been 20 years since the racing world was shocked by Canonero II’s improbable victory in the Kentucky Derby. Though hardened handicappers regarded his triumph as a defiance of logic, it was much deeper than that.

Canonero II was on a mission and not even a series of many obstacles could stand in his way. Perhaps it was a higher power that guided him trough his incredible journey to Churchill Downs, where he was destined to turn his owner’s vision into reality.

In April 1971, a cargo plane took off from Caracas, Venezuela, bound for Miami, Fla. Accompanying hundreds of chickens and ducks heading for market was a thoroughbred racehorse named Canonero II.

No one knew it at the time, but the most incredible odyssey in the history of the Triple Crown was about to begin.

But let’s back up a little. Canonero II was purchased as a yearling at the Keeneland fall sale by agent Luis Navas for a meager $1,200. He was a scrawny-looking thing with a crooked right foreleg, and had previously been rejected for the Keeneland summer sale.

Navas brought the son of Pretendre – Dixieland II, by Nantallah, to Venezuela, where he tried unsuccessfully to sell him. After dozens of rejections, he finally sold the colt to Caracas businessman Pedro Baptista for $10,000.

When Canonero II was sent to Baptista’s trainer, Juan Arias, the colt, was suffering from a bad case of worms and split right forefoot.

Baptista, meanwhile, was having his own problems. His manufacturing business was failing and he was on the verge of bankruptcy. To protect Canonero II, he raced the horse in the name of his son-in-law, Edgar Caibett.

By the following spring, Canonero II had won several races, including one at a mile and a quarter, but nothing of great importance.

Then one night, Baptista had a dream in wich his deceased mother told him Canonero II was going to win the Kentucky Derby. Despite his financial situation, Baptista soon had Canonero II on the cargo plane heading for United States.

During the flight, one of the plane's engines caught fire and it was forced to return to Caracas. After finally arriving in Miami, it was discovered that Canonero II did not have the proper papers, and he was not allowed to disembark.

Instead, Canonero II was flown to Panama, where he became dehydrated waiting in the stifling heat for his papers to arrive.

After arriving in Miami once again, he had to spend four days in quarantine because Baptista had neglected to send the colt's blood samples. Canonero II by now had lost 70 pounds. To make matters worse, there wasn't enough money to pay for his plane fare to Louisville, so Canonero II had to van 1,100 miles to Churchill Downs.

As a final indignity, when Canonero II arrieved at the track he was not allowed entrance to the stable area, as no one on the van could speak English and nobody at the track knew who the horse was.

When his identity was confirmed, Canonero II's nihghtmare journey was finally over. The Kentucky Derby was less than a week away.

Meanwhile, in Tijuana, Mexico, future book oddsmakers were quoting Canonero II at 500-1. After he was entered in the race, the odds dropped to a mere 100-1.

At Churchill Downs, Canonero II had people wondering, "Who is this horse?" His trainer spoke no English, the colt worked a half-mile in an unbelievably slow 0:53 4/5, all of his ribs were showing and - nealty-trimmed bangs - he resembled Moe of Three Stooges.

Derby day arrived and Arias was so nervous he had to have an assistant saddle the horse. Despite his nervousness, Arias was confident of victory because he claimed Canonero II told him six days before the race that he would win.

For most of the running, Canonero II, who was part of the mutuel field, was plodding along in 18th place, 20 lenghts off the lead under jockey Gustavo Avila. Then came the explosion. On the far turn, Avila's brown silks were a blur, sweeping by horses at incredible speed. Nearing the three-sixteenths pole, Canonero II was drawing away.

At the finish, it was Canonero II by three and a quarter lenghts. Arias ran to the winner's circle in tears, unable to comprehend the magnitude of his achievement. His misfit was now "The Caracas Cannonball", a national hero of Venezuela.

And where was Baptista during all this? He was back in Venezuela, where he heard the news of Canonero II's victory over the radio...while visiting his mother's grave.

Let's see Hollywood top this one.

LESSON 150

NEWSPAPER HEADLINES

FIRST HEADLINE

WORKERS' COMP DIDN'T COVER EXPENSES FOR FAMILY OF FOUR

José Maestres, a manager of a restaurant, suffered an on-the-job accident when he slipped and tore up (def 2 as a v. intr.) his knee. After nine operations and almost three years on crutches (def 1), Maestres' life is still not back to normal.

During his painful ordeal (def 1), Maestres was constantly harassed by creditors (def 1). His workers' compensation checks were his only source of income. Unfortunately, they weren't enough to make ends meet (type on "Search" - Ctrl + F - make ands meet).

After hiring a lawyer to file a petition (def 1) for him, Maestres finally obtained a workers' compensation settlement (def 4) which will enable him to pay off his debts.

SECOND HEADLINE

ILLEGAL ALIENS RUSH HIGHWAY TO BEAT PATROL

In order to enter the U.S. to work, large groups of illegal aliens from Mexico are rushing the border (noun 5) and running headlong (adjective 6) into highway traffic. The aliens have adopted this terrifying, yet effective new tactic, because they know the Border Patrol (3ª definiçao na web) isn't allowed to make arrests in the open highway for fear of causing accidents. In the past, illegal aliens slipped into the country alone or in small groups, usually by jumping a border fence.

THIRD HEADLINE

SCIENTISTS AND SHAMANS SEEK CURES IN PLANTS. THE PROBLEM: PLANTS - VICTIMS OF TROPICAL DEFORESTATION - ARE DISAPPEARING

FASTER THAN THEY CAN BE INVESTIGATED

In the never-ending search for cures for such maladies(Def. 1) as AIDS, cancer, and heart disease, a few U.S. drug companies have recently begun studying the curative properties(Def. 5) of the tropical plants and herbs used by the medicine men(Def. 1) of indigenous peoples. Unfortunately, deforestation is causing widespread(Def. 1) extinction of many of those plants.

If the research shows that the plants can be used to produce marketable(Def. 1) drugs, the companies intend to invest some of their profits in order to promote conservation in those areas threatened.

FOURTH HEADLINE

SPORTS BETTING BILL IS AN UNDERDOG

A bill that would allow the state lottery to legalize sports betting is expected to be approved by a Florida House subcommittee. Florida's Governor is opposed to including sports betting in the state lottery because he claims it would contradict the moral code he's trying to impress on young people. Chances are slim the bill will become law because even if the Florida Legislature approved it, a two-thirds vote in favor would still be needed to override the governor's veto.

LESSON 147 NEWSPAPER ARTICLE

EUROPE ON FIVE VOWELS A DAY
By Dave Barry
From “Dave Barry’s Greatest Hits”
Fawcett Columbine – New York (1988)


Americans who travel abroad (def. 3) for the first time are often shocked to discover that, despite all the progress that has been made in the past 30 years, many foreign people still speak foreign languages. Oh, sure, they speak some English, but usually just barely well enough to receive a high-school diploma here in the United States. This can lead (def. 3) to problems for you, the international traveler, when you need to convey important information to them, such as “Which foreign country is this?” and “You call this toilet paper?”
To their credit, some countries have made a sincere effort to adopt English as their native language, a good example being England, but even there you have problems. My wife and I were driving around England once, and we came to a section called “Wales,” which is this linguistically deformed area that apparently is too poor to afford vowels. All the road signs look like this:
LLWLNCWNRLLWNWRLLN – 3 km
It is a tragic sigh (def. 2) indeed (def. 1) to see Welsh (def. 1 as an adj) parents attempting to sing traditional songs such as “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” to their children and lapsing (def. 13) into heart-rending (def. 1) silence when they get to the part about “E-I-E-I-O.” If any of you in our reading audience have extra vowels that you no longer need, because for example your children have grown up, I urge (def. 1) you to send them (your children) to: Vowels for Wales, c/o (def 1) Lord Chesterfield, Parliament Luckystrike, the Duke of Earl, Pondwater-on-Gabardine, England.

But the point I am trying to make here is that since the rest of the world appears to be taking its sweet time about becoming fluent in English, it looks like, in the interest of improving world peace and understanding, it’s up to us Americans to strike the bull on the horns while the iron is hot and learn to speak a foreign language.

This is not an area where we are strong, as a nation: A recent poll showed that 82 per-cent of the Americans surveyed speak no foreign language at all. Unfortunately, the same poll showed that 41 percent also cannot speak English, 53 percent cannot name the state they live in, and 62 percent believe that the Declaration of Independence is “a kind of fish.” So we can see that we have a tough educational row (def. 9) to hoe (def. 3) here, in the sense that Americans, not to put too fine a point on it, have the IQs of bait. I mean, let’s face it, this is obviously why the Japanese are capable of building sophisticated videocassette recorders, whereas we view it as a major achievement if we can hook them up correctly to our TV sets. This is nothing to be ashamed of, Americans! Say it out loud! “We’re pretty stupid!” See? Doesn’t that feel good? Let’s stop blaming the educational system for the fact that our children score lower on standardized tests than any other vertebrate life from our planet! Let’s stop all this anguished (sense 2) whiny self-critical fretting (def. 10) over the recently discovered fact that the guiding hand on the tiller (Nautical sense) of the ship of state belongs to Mister Magoo! Remember: We still have nuclear weapons. Ha, ha!
Getting back to the central point, we should all learn to speak a foreign language. Fortu-nately, this is easy.

How to speak a Foreign Language

The key is to understand that foreigners communicate by means of “idiomatic expres-sions,” the main ones being:

German: “Ach du lieber!” (“Darn it!”)

Spanish: “Caramba!” (“Darn it!”)

French: “Zut alors!” (“Look! A lors!”)

Also you should bear in mind that foreign person for some reason believe that everyday household objects and vegetables are “masculine” or “feminine.” For example, French persons believe that potatoes are feminine, even though they (potatoes) do not have sexual organs, that I have noticed. Dogs, on the other hand, are masculine, even if they are not. (This does not mean, by the way, that a dog can have sex with a potato, although it will probably try.)
Pronunciation Hint (def 3): In most foreign languages, the letter “r” is pronounced in-correctly. Also, if you are speaking German, at certain points during each sentences you should give the impression you’re about to expel (def. 1) major gob (def. 1).
Ok? Practice these techniques in front of a mirror until you’re comfortable with them, then go to a country that is frequented by foreigners and see if you can’t increase their international understanding, the way Jimmy Carter did during his 1997 presidential visit to Poland, when he told a large welcoming crowd, through an official State De-partment translator, that he was “plesed to be grasping your secret parts.”